


Fuck the Police

by Snow



Category: Guilty Gear
Genre: M/M, Robots, Romance Novel, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-16
Updated: 2012-12-16
Packaged: 2017-11-21 07:02:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/594824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snow/pseuds/Snow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"One of the Roko-Kys has decided that he is deeply in love with Ky. Hilarity ensues."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fuck the Police

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kumarei](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kumarei/gifts).



> Many thanks to Lambency for the brainstorming and readthrough help.

There was a list of things that Robo-Ky thought he was pretty good at, a list that could best be summarized with a single word: everything. And so it seemed to him that he could be perfectly successful at finding a wife, if he applied the right technique. Gone must be the days of propositioning the women he met at random. He couldn't leave to chance that he might meet the right one, not when there were so many defective people out there. And being prepared meant he would be able to make the effective arguments. 

It didn't take long -- it was an incredibly simple task for his superior robot brain -- to make a list of 500 traits Robo-Ky thought were important for his bride: top among the list were ability to cook, non-defectiveness, curvyness, and capability to adapt enough to keep up (but not so fast he had problems keeping up with her).

After ranking every woman he'd met -- even all the ones who'd tried to destroy him -- and weighting and adjusting his scale, there wasn't a woman on his list that had more than five out of a hundred. Since there could be no fault in his methods to determine compatibility, perhaps he simply didn't know enough women. After all, the right one had to be out there. Only defective people were doomed to live alone.

For further research on the matter, he checked database after database of pre-war information, looking for a clue on how women operated. He struck gold when he found a library of old books that had been labeled 'Romance' which clearly meant that they would provide perfect guidance on how to convince the women he saw to marry him. Or how to better go about finding the single right woman, since all these books seemed to be very big on monogamy and that sort of thing.

Robo-Ky was preparing to leave the old and falling-apart library when his superior robot brain informed him that there was someone else there.

"Come out slowly," said the voice, instantly recognizable, and clearly just as good at detecting robots as Robo-Ky was at detecting defective originals.

"SLOWLY WOULD BE DEFECTIVE," Robo-Ky objected, drawing his sword and charging.

Ky stood near the entrance, charge building up around him, and what was it those books seemed to be saying about electricity and the path it made to the heart? A ball of lightning slammed into Robo-Ky while he sorted his thoughts, and Robo-Ky could feel it shove him backward. He recovered, but he seemed unable to look away from the eyes of the man who had done it. It was like they were oppositely charged magnets, being slowly drawn together.

"EXPLAIN YOURSELF," Robo-Ky said. "WHAT WITCHERY ARE YOU DOING?"

There was a startled blink from the police officer, and he shook his head. His blond hair caught the sunlight that was streaming in from a hole in the wall, reflecting it almost as much as his sword did. 

"I REQUIRE SUSTENANCE," Robo-Ky said, thinking for a second that Ky might satisfy more of his requirements than any of the women he'd looked at. Although he would have to remove the uniform to see if he was adequately curvy. Robo-Ky didn't think he himself was curvy, but it was more than possible that that was one of the things his creator had sought to correct. He didn't think he had those doe-like eyes either. "MAKE ME A SANDWICH."

The defective original shook his head, sword lashing towards Robo-Ky in a move that Robo-Ky was more than adequate to block. 

"MY ANALYSIS INDICATES THAT THE NATURE OF OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS CHANGED. I KNOW YOU ARE SLOW, BUT TRY TO CATCH UP."

Ky kept fighting. "I don't know what you're talking about, but you're wrong. The only thing that has changed is that you're accessing forbidden knowledge now as well. You can't be permitted to put even more people's lives at risk than you already do simply by existing."

"THERE IS NOTHING FORBIDDEN ABOUT LOVE," Robo-Ky said, pushing forward with his own sword and electricity in order to shove Ky back towards a wall. The move seemed to surprise the man enough that it worked, and Robo-Ky grabbed the blade of Ky's sword to tug it out of his grip and toss it away. "AND LOVE CAN CONQUER EVERYTHING, EVEN YOUR INITIAL DEFECTIVENESS."

Ky made it past his startlement quickly, shoving a hand into Robo-Ky's torso and pushing, electricity lancing through them both. "You don't even know what you're talking about."

The fact that he was still engaging in conversation with Robo-Ky clearly meant that he was only seconds away from being convinced. "I'M TALKING ABOUT THE FACT THAT WE WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER." Robo-Ky could feel himself starting to over-heat, although he wasn't sure if it was because of the fighting or the emotional complexities this relationship was already making him face.

"You were made from me, that's not at all the same thing!"

Robo-Ky punched Ky in the face, feeling guilty as soon as he saw the way it made the police officer wince. None of the anger had faded from the man's face yet, which clearly meant he was a second away from confessing his true and undying love. "MAYBE NOT FOR YOUR DEFECTIVE HUMAN BRAIN."

"Even if... if what -- If you believe what you're saying, then why are you attacking me?"

"FALSE. YOU ATTACKED FIRST. LOVERS SHOULD NOT FIGHT. I WILL CEASE IF YOU DO."

Ky sighed, and Robo-Ky tentatively let go of him to permit the man to run a hand through his hair, mussing it up. The lightning faded from his body, which Robo-Ky was more than willing to take as a sign of success. "Leave the library, and we won't talk about this ever again."

"YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO CONCEAL OUR RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE YOU DON'T THINK I'M GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU? FALSE. I AM FAR TOO GOOD FOR YOU. BUT I AM WILLING TO BE OPEN ABOUT THINGS."

"There _is_ no relationship," Ky said, clearly turning snappish again. All the novels Robo-Ky had been reading said that he should be convinced by now. Perhaps Robo-Ky needed to make more clear the benefits that a relationship with him would have.

"I AM HIGHLY FUNCTIONAL AND CAN ASSIST YOU ON THE BATTLEFIELD IN CASE OF EMERGENCY. TOGETHER WE CAN FIGHT AGAINST MORE PEOPLE THAT NEED TO BE FOUGHT AGAINST AND YOU CAN BETTER ATTAIN YOUR HUMAN NOTION OF JUSTICE. IN ADDITION, SINCE WE ARE THE SAME SIZE I CAN PICK OUT BETTER CLOTHING FOR YOU TO WEAR. THE UNIFORM IS REALLY BORING AND DOES NOT DO A GOOD JOB OF DISPLAYING YOUR CURVES. I ALSO HAVE A VERY LARGE APPETITE, SO YOU WOULD NOT NEED TO WORRY ABOUT MAKING TOO MUCH FOOD FOR ME TO EAT."

The look in Ky's eyes was astonished and unsure, and Robo-Ky smiled, perfect white teeth perfect and white (and also not really teeth, but that was fine, they were superior to teeth).

"DON'T YOU FEEL LONELY SOMETIMES?"

"That has...I really don't think you have the solution. And no."

"YES YOU DO. THAT IS WHAT HUMANS DO." Everyone in the books had felt incredibly lonely, and most of them had even had family to turn to. Robo-Ky was sure that Ky had no wife, no sister, no distant cousins that he went shopping with. "I CAN HELP WITH THE LONELINESS WITHOUT BEING CONSUMED BY IT MYSELF."

Ky's stare turned flat, unamused. "It seems to me that you're the one who is lonely."

"THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE. I AM SUPERIOR."

"Then why are you concerned with...finding someone?"

"BECAUSE I RECOGNIZE THAT AS A SUPERIOR BEING I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO BE ALONE. MARRY ME."

That seemed to suddenly turn Ky red, and sputtering. Had he actually been oblivious to the nature of Robo-Ky's advances before? 

"DID YOU THINK THAT I MERELY INTENDED TO CONSUMMATE A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP AND GO?" What was he supposed to say now? Right. "I AM NOT LIKE THAT. I LOVE YOU. WE CAN BE TOGETHER FOR THE LENGTH OF YOUR INFERIOR HUMAN LIFESPAN."

Ky buried his head in his hands, and the room was silent other than the sound of his breathing.

"IF YOU NEED TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT, YOU CAN HAVE THAT." Robo-Ky knew that he would get Ky in the end, because they were designed for each other.

Robo-Ky left Ky to his thoughts, and the growing feeling of love that would surely soon be overtaking him.

* * *

There were times when it was easier to find Ky than others. Even so, Robo-Ky would calculate that he saved his life no less than ten times over the next week. Ky didn't react well to that being pointed out to him. "It doesn't count when you yourself are the one threatening my life!" he shouted, lightning growing up around him.

"THAT PIANO COULD HAVE FALLEN ON ITS OWN," Robo-Ky replied. He'd found more romance books to read, and was even better prepared for this conversation. While usual logic dictated that he should defend himself, it would better prove that it was love if he didn't. He could feel the sensor readings overheating where the ball of lightning hit, but he still didn't move. "HAVE YOU HAD SUFFICIENT TIME TO AGREE TO MY MARRIAGE PROPOSAL?"

"I'm not going to agree," Ky said.

"YOU MUST. THERE IS NO GOOD REASON FOR YOU TO REFUSE."

"You're not even _human_ ," Ky said.

"AND YOU ARE REFUSING FOR STUPID REASONS."

"I'm not in love with you!"

"GIVE IT TIME. I WASN'T IN LOVE WITH YOU AT FIRST EITHER. PERHAPS IF WE KISSED."

Ky shook his head, outrage still showing across his face. "There is something terribly wrong with you!"

"WHY IS IT WRONG TO WANT TO HAVE LOVE?" Robo-Ky asked. "IT IS A MORE HUMAN EMOTION THAN THE REJECTION THAT YOU INSIST ON SHOWING ME. I AM BOTH THE SUPERIOR ROBOT AND THE SUPERIOR HUMAN OUT OF THE TWO OF US."

"That doesn't make any sense!" Ky snapped.

"ARE YOU IN LOVE?"

"No."

"THAT MAKES EVEN LESS SENSE. I WOULD TEACH YOU HOW TO BE LESS DEFECTIVE."

"Go away."

"FINE. YOU WILL FIND ME WHEN YOU NEED ME."

* * *

Ky didn't find Robo-Ky, a fact that the latter first found annoying, then insulting, then angering. Did Ky think he was actually better than him? Defective human brain, not recognizing when a person and a robot were meant to be together! Still, Robo-Ky was willing to make allowances, since without allowances there could be no relationship, so he continued to make the necessary effort to get them where they had to be.

"DEFECTIVE ORIGINAL," Robo-Ky said, sending a burst of lightning designed to go just above the mop of blond hair, in order to best get his attention. Nobody had blond hair like that except for Ky and Robo-Ky himself, but everyone knew that there could only be one Robo-Ky. "COME OVER HERE."

"YOU ARE THE DEFECTIVE ONE," Ky said, in an uncharacteristic -- but incredibly attractive -- volume and tone.

"UNTRUE. I AM EVERYTHING YOU ARE NOT. THAT IS WHY YOU SHOULD LOVE ME."

Ky turned and blinked, his skin looking a little more green than usual, but all the healthier for it. "WHY?" he repeated back.

Robo-Ky prepared to launch into an explanation, then smiled -- perfect non-teeth gleaming. Clearly logical explanations hadn't been working. No, Ky needed to do some of the legwork himself here. "THINK ABOUT IT."

There was a silence, and Robo-Ky could practically hear Ky's human brain cells ticking away inside his human skull. "WILL YOU COOK FOR ME?" he asked.

Robo-Ky could see that this was a clear attempt to renegotiate the terms he'd set out at the very beginning, and he wasn't sure that that should be permitted to happen. "WE CAN ORDER IN INSTEAD."

Another silence filled only with a slight whirring. "WE MUST BE BETTER TOGETHER THAN INDIVIDUALLY."

"LET US PROVE IT IN BATTLE," Robo-Ky said, raising his hand with his sword in it, and then letting it fall to his side. "BATTLE COMPLETE. WE WERE BOTH VICTORIOUS. SEE HOW EFFECTIVE THIS IS?"

Ky nodded, saluting Robo-Ky with his own sword. "SENTIMENT NOTED. LOVE RECIPROCATED. WE SHOULD HOLD HANDS NOW."

Robo-Ky wasn't sure what had caused such a dramatic shift in opinion, but he wasn't remotely going to argue it. He replaced his sword at his side, and moved towards the human.


End file.
